Bio of a Crazy Jester

Labels…

Who am I? That’s an interesting question. Husband. Father. Step-father. Geek. Gamer. Old Metal Head. Dallas Cowboys Fan. History Buff. Gimp. Advocate. Web Developer (hack). Web Standards and Accessibility Snob. Worry Wart. Class Clown. Democrat. Trekkie. Those are just a few labels that sort of describe me. I’m sure there are more.

Ancient History…

Well, back in April of 1965 in Burlington, Iowa, Mama Kelly’s first boy, Christopher, was born. He was a small kid, a bit over six pounds. He had a bit of a squarish head, but was sort of cute. (See pictures here in my Through The Ages gallery.) We lived in a mobile home and I think I slept for a time in a dresser drawer. My dad was embarking on a career in accounting. We weren’t rich, but were happy.

At about six months old, my parents grew concerned about me because I wasn’t rolling over and such like most babies.  At 18 months, still no rolling.   After tests and some doctor visits I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy affecting all of my voluntary muscles from the shoulders on down. (As many will attest to, mymouth works too well.) My folks were quite upset, but determined to raise me as close to “normal” as possible. I was started on physical therapy right away which included stretching, strengthening, and walking exercises; although, I have never walked as an actual means of locomotion. Four years later, my brother, Dave, was born and we moved to Galesburg, Illinois, the year after that. And, in 1971, my brother, Joe, was born.

Historical Galesburg…

Galesburg, to me, is my hometown as I lived there all through school, except for college, until I moved to Normal, Illinois in 1994. Galesburg is the birthplace of the guy who invented the Ferris Wheel and also of author and poet, Carl Sandburg. Everything in town is named after Sandburg, including the mall and the junior college I attended. As a child in Galesburg, I started off in “special” classes in elementary school for kids with physical disabilities. Back then, the word “crippled” was perfectly acceptable. In third grade, I was “mainstreamed” into classes with non-disabled kids. I was scared to death, but adapted and I made many friends throughout my childhood. I’m not completely sure how I made so many friends, since I remember myself as a smart assed twerp. Maybe, kids like that? Maybe, I still am?

Sometime in my 5th grade year, my parents divorced. My mom moved us to Pensacola, Florida. (Hometown of NFL all-time leading rusher, Emitt Smith and base of the Navy’s Blue Angels.) I loved it there. Great weather, lots to do, many kids in the neighborhood. Alas, we left after one year and returned to Galesburg in 1977. Also, in 1977, my last brother, Scott, was born to my dad and his second wife.

The Geek Side is strong…

In junior high school I really began to cement my future path as a geek by taking Latin and becoming a fan of Star Trek. I discovered girls; a constant distraction, although not a source of much sense of “success,” shall we say, throughout my school years. I, also, met my best friend of the last 26 years, Mark, in junior high. We were both nerds; someone had to hang out with us. It was, also, during these years that I gravitated musically to rock, joining a record club and buying KISS albums, among others. Since I am not that mobile, I spent a lot of my time in junior and, later, high school listening to music and reading. I started with KISS, ELO, Kansas, and Peter Frampton. And, I found I loved reading history books, especially World War II, and science fiction/fantasy. I got hooked on the big fantasy trilogies with Stephen R. Donaldson’s “Chronicles of Thomas Covenant” series. I, also, became a Dallas Cowboys fan during this time, too.

In high school, my path to the Geek Side was completed by learning to play Dungeons and Dragons. I was now a “gamer.” Throw in the wheelchair and you’ve got the “Three Gs,” Geek, Gamer, and Gimp. Dating didn’t occupy a lot of my time, although on occasion it did happen. When my friends got cars, I did get out more, but it was mainly to weekly D & D games. In my Junior year, I got my first Amigo powered scooter and gained a huge amount of independence. Since we lived very close to the high school, I could stay after school for our D & D club, or just to watch cheerleader practice; and ride over for football and basketball games. Having the scooter meant not needing help getting to classes, etc. And, I found I could even ride it to the mall. It changed my life and, 23 years later, I still ride Amigo scooters. I should do commercials for them.

I got my first real girlfriend during my Senior year. We dated a few months and, when she broke up with me, I cried in my Rice Krispies. Really. Musically, I’d moved on to Asia, Journey, Judas Priest, Rainbow, Y&T, early Def Leppard, Loverboy, and April Wine. I, finally, made it to my first concerts when I was 18, seeing Toto at a fair. My first “real” concert was the Scorpions on their “Blackout” tour with some band named Quiet Riot opening. I became a huge QR fan and saw them 3 times total in 1983. On weekends, my friends would throw me into their cars and we’d go “cruising” for girls… who sped away quickly. Oh, well, it was a fun life. In 1983, I graduated.

A Decade, Plus, of College…

After graduation, I enrolled in the local junior college. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be, so I got my basic requirements out of the way there, and made some new friends. I joined the Student Government and helped organize dances, school trips, etc. Amazingly to me, I had a social life. I had a bad habit of dropping classes, so, even though I kept a B+/A- average, I took three years to get my two year degree. “Hair Metal” was beginning to rule rock and I grew my hair and banged my head. Night Ranger and KISS were my two big concerts during these years and I spent a lot of weekend nights at local clubs seeing cover bands. I became a big Bon Jovi fan, too, and this was before “Slippery When Wet” came out and they ruled the world.

In 1986, I transferred to Western Illinois University and majored in Mass Communications. I had decided to become a radio DJ, thanks to “WKRP in Cincinnati.” I loved WIU and I learned more about living independently during this time than any other. I made many great friends, who I’ve done a crappy job of keeping in touch with since graduation, and struck out with a lot of women. I ran a weekly rock radio show with friends, the tapes of which are quite scary to hear. True to form, I dragged my feet and took three more years to graduate in 1989. I stuck around for a year of grad school, in History, but by 1991, I was sick of school. I got a radio gig for $3.35 an hour in Galesburg and moved into an apartment there.

Radio Daze…

I learned quickly the real radio is not “WKRP.” My first gig was a run down Top 40 station that does not even exist, now. I played New Kids on the Block and Hair Metal was dying in favor of Grunge. Sad. After 8 months, I jumped ship to an AM Full Service station, WGIL, where I’d previously interned. Since I was one of the few people there with an actual degree, they did let me do some office work as a fill-in. I realized by mid-1991 that radio would not pay enough for me to pay for new scooters, van driving controls, etc. And, I had no insurance. I realized I should try for an office job somewhere. I had minored in Computer Science so I thought I’d go to my local junior college and take some computer classes. So, I worked in radio and went to school….again.

I enrolled in Pascal and a College Algebra class, figuring I needed those if I wanted to move on to a B.S. In the algebra class I met a young girl named Sunny who would become my first wife in 1994. In the Pascal class I met a fellow Star Trek geek named Brad who would be the best man in that wedding and who would also, years later, introduce me to my second wife, Connie. (Weird world, huh?) Anyway, Sunny and I dated for 3 years, I took more classes, and eventually got an Associate’s in Computer Information Systems. I also worked in the school computer lab. Brad and I had also started a small business selling trading cards and sci fi geek stuff, which never amounted to anything.

In early 1994, the station was paying me a whopping $5 an hour, but cut my hours. Two of Sunny’s siblings worked at Wal Mart so I applied there, desperate. I said I’d be a greeter. The H.R. person said, “You’re too damn smart to be a greeter.” They hired me that day to sell computers because no one in electronics really knew them. And, they paid me $5.25 an hour. I couldn’t carry a lot or run the register, so I answered electronics related questions for customers.

Goodbye, Galesburg…

Before getting the Wal Mart gig, I had been advised by another WIU grad to apply at State Farm. They did a programmer training thing then so all you needed was experience in ANY programming language and a Bachelor’s Degree and they’d teach you the “State Farm Way.” I applied and after an initial rejection got 2 interviews, the last one the day before the Wal Mart interview. In March of 1994, on my way out the door to work my first day at Wal Mart, State Farm H.R. called me to offer me a position in their May class at $32K a year. He took my stunned silence as acceptance. So, I worked at Wal Mart for only 3 months knowing in May I’d go to work for State Farm in Bloomington.

In May of 1994, scared to death, I began to wear a tie every day and went from long-haired DJ to corporate geek. Sunny and I were married in August. I got through State Farm’s training and became a mainframe programmer in a language called PL/I that no one anywhere else uses. It was boring but paid well. I eventually moved on to do other things and I now work in Disability Support. For 3 years now I’ve supported the computer assistive technology used by our associates with disabilities. In the last 3 years, I’ve begun to specialize in web and software accessibility. I’ve learned much about many other disabilities besides my own and I’m becoming a more vocal advocate for people with disabilities.

Endings are new beginnings..

On the personal side, my marriage slowly dissolved. Sunny and I were separated in 1997 and divorced in the summer of 1998. I spent the next 3 years trying to figure out how to be in my mid-30s and single from a wheelchair.

On August 7 of 2001, I met Connie at a party for a mutual friend. (Check out Connie’s web site.) She had a kind smile and pretty eyes, taught software applications, listened to ’80s rock, and loved football. In other words, perfect. I was smitten almost immediately. Connie had 3 kids: Johnny, Libby, and Katie. She didn’t want much to do with men, but I guess I wore her down. We began dating in November of 2001. I began to get used to the “step-dad” thing and we bought a house together in May of 2002. We were married at the Little White Chapel by the Courthouse in Las Vegas on January 13, 2003. Check out the Wedding Pictures! And, she gave birth to Christopher, Jr. (”CJ”) in September of 2004. Being a dad/step-dad is not without its stress, but my life is great. I go to softball games and band concerts, help with homework, play games with the kids, and try to be a good role model. It’s harder than being single as far as work, but it gives me a full, happy heart.

In many ways, I’m still the same. I’m still a gamer geek having attended the Gen Con Game Fair every year save one since 1991 and play D & D weekly; I just do it with my kids, now. I still go to concerts, although my favorite bands are getting old enough to join AARP. I still love the Cowboys and the NFL. I still think Bush is an idiot.

And, I’m still a mouthy smart-ass.

Peace.
CMK,
Feb. 2005
Links in article added May 2005